A Time for Everything...

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I am learning that I don't always know what time it is, but God does. Often I wonder what I would do if given a chance to look at God's wristwatch. What if I could get my hands on His schedule of events? I am such a planner. I love to have every detail before me. When we were married, our poor friends and family had color-coded folders with every detail underlined, italicized or in bold print (they would have been color-coded as well, if I weren't such a stickler for saving colored ink). On our wedding day, it was clear to me who had read their folders, who had skimmed them, and who had used my precious, bradded, pocketed folders for a game of tic-tac-toe. Of course, our wedding day turned out beautifully, but I say all of this to show you that I love details. I don't like being in the dark about ... well, about anything.

Lately God is speaking to this part of me. It's frustrating in a sense, but exciting, too. It's leading me to trust Him in ways I never thought I could. There's a time for every activity under heaven. In my life, I might write: There's a time to have more children, and a time to be content with the one God has given us; a time to stay put and a time to plan a move; a time to wait on God's instructions and a time to move forward in His blessing; a time to keep praying and a time to rejoice in an answer; a time to know fully, and a time to trust in the One who fully knew me before the creation of the world.

I suppose if I could see God's wristwatch, I would not spend my time wisely. For instance, if I tell Courtney that we're going to see her grandparents, she runs to the door expecting to leave right then. If we can't leave for 30 minutes, she is angry and spends her time frustrated, confused and hurting, instead of using that time to productively. Would I do the same? If I knew today what was going to happen tomorrow, would I spend the next 8 hours anxiously waiting at the door? Knowing myself, I think I would.

I am so thankful to be loved by a God that knows me. He knows how much of the "schedule" I can handle. He knows just when to let me in on the details. He knows how I'll respond even before He speaks.

So maybe I can't look at God's wristwatch or read His full, color-coded, italicized, bradded and pocketed schedule. But I know I can trust Him from day to day, minute to minute. I suppose now is a time to trust... and wait... and trust some more. What a mighty God we serve.

It's been a while...

I got online today and realized that I haven't been on our blog in quite some time... not since the snow we received last spring. I have decided to get back on track- we will see how long it lasts. I may not put many pictures up, though, because this website is so difficult when it comes to picture placement...So an update...

Since our last entry life has changed somewhat- Courtney is walking now, so life is busier. She has also mastered the art of "no". She can't get the words out just yet, but when she doesn't want to do something she shakes her head and says, "Na- ah!" in the same tone I use with her when I can't get a full sentence out before she sticks something in the toilet. (I have learned to keep the lid closed).

We are still waiting for that first tooth to arrive, but she has started eating the same foods we eat. Last night she stole my quesadilla. She's working on using a fork, but it's mostly a drum-stick or a teething toy during most meals. She's so cute when she stabs at green beans to no avail. She gets pretty frustrated at it and at times will throw a little fit... but most of the time she simply puts the fork down and grabs the green bean the good old fashioned way.

We have experimented some with crayons, markers and sidewalk chalk. I'm not sure she understands cause and effect enough to get the concept... she hasn't caught on to the fact that if you rub chalk on the sidewalk it makes a pretty color. The more we work on her fine motor skills, the more convinced I am that she will be left-handed. I know those things don't show up for quite some time, but she is so left-hand dominant at this point that I wonder if it will ever change.

She has become more interactive in the way she plays, too. Yesterday, for example, Courtney was playing with a doll. She said "play baby" and handed me a doll to play with, too. She hugged her baby and looked at me as if she expected me to hug mine... when I did she got really excited. By the way, "play" is her new favorite word... although last week she did say "paa-kade" (patty-cake... or pat-a-cake) in context.

She's growing up so fast:)

Winter Wonderland...

This morning we woke up to a Winter Wonderland. It has been a long time since I've experienced a "good" snow, so I just had to take pictures. We got somewhere between 2 & 3 inches; everything was covered in a soft, powdery blanket of snow.

I couldn't wait for Courtney to wake up so that she could see it. Of course, today was the day she decided to sleep in. I was afraid it would all melt before she got up. As tempted as I was, and despite several trips to her room, I let her sleep. Much to my delight, there was still plenty of snow for picture taking when she awoke.

I thought Courtney would be delighted to see such a marvelous sight, but she didn't seem very impressed. She was overwhelmed by the brightness of the sun glistening on the snow that now covered what was once a very familiar place. She seemed disoriented to some degree, too- I suppose she was wondering where her backyard went. Not to mention the fact that she had been practically swallowed up by a huge, purple snowsuit.

I let her touch the snow, but she was soon bored and wanted to go back inside. She had taken in and figured out all that she wanted to know within about 2 minutes. Now she was done.

While I completely understood where she was coming from, I was a little disappointed that she didn't realize just how wonderful this morning was. The kid in me wanted to build snowmen, take pictures, and enjoy this rare and beautiful gift... but the kid in my arms just wanted to go back inside.

I suppose it's kind of like the kid in my heart versus the kid in my head. When God gives me a wonderful gift, the kid in my heart wants to enjoy it to the fullest until I've exhausted all of my energy... but the kid in my head wants to over-analyze things to the point that I don't even take delight in what God has given me. It reminds me of an instance in college when a friend approached me with a leaf from a magnolia tree. "Kristi," he said, "Take this leaf and enjoy it. Don't analyze it, don't try to figure it out, and don't apply any special analogy to it... just enjoy it." I couldn't believe he said that. In fact, I had started contemplating an analogy even as he was speaking. Since I respected this person so much (and figured he was trying to teach me something), I did what he asked.

As the leaf accompanied me to my classes, meals, even to church, I began to realize something. I had been taking God's little gifts to the laboratory in my mind, disecting them until there was nothing left to enjoy. I was searching for answers to questions like: Why did God give this to me? What can I learn from this? How can I bless someone else with this?... and all the while each question had the same answer: God is love. Don't get me wrong, those questions are not bad at all- but I was so busy trying to figure out God's blessing that I often ended up missing the blessing itself.

What a great reminder this morning of a lesson I learned so long ago! In the rush of swaddling Courtney in the snowsuit, charging my camera and finding the perfect lighting... well, I confess that I forgot to just sit in awe of God and enjoy the blessing of such a beautiful morning. Now it's all melted, and my pictures just didn't capture the glory of it all. So I encourage all of you, faithful blog readers, to stop and enjoy God's blessings today. They might just melt away before you know it.