I'm in school and I find out that I have to take a very important test. I don't have time to study for it. I realize that I haven't done any of my homework, and in several of the dreams it turns out that I never even went to the class. In a few instances, I had skipped class so often that I forgot about it altogether! I go into a panic wondering how I could have missed the fact that this test was coming up so soon. It was on the syllabus (which I never read) and the teacher (whom I never paid attention to) had reminded us... but I was clueless.
This dream came again a few nights ago. I prayed about it, asking God why this situation frequented my dreams so often. Suddenly my mind became clear and I thought, "I have tests in my own life that seem to come from out of nowhere. Tests of my character, tests of faith, tests of the skills and talents God has given to me."
I began to think of all of the Bible Studies I started but never finished. How many times have I gone a week or more without opening my Bible? How often had I felt unprepared for a test God sent my way simply because I hadn't spent time feeding my spirit with God's Word and His presence? How often had I been caught offguard by something that seemed to be the most important test of my life and thought, "If only I had been in the Word; if only I had been spending time with Jesus; if only... if only... if only... maybe I could have done better and passed this one."
Hmmm.
I've been convicted lately to be more diligent in studying God's Word. As a mother of a two-year-old, this has proven to be a challenge. Somewhere along the road, I convinced myself that my lack of discipline was justified because, after all, I am a busy mom, sacrificing every day for my daughter's well-being... but am I? What gift could I possibly give my child that could be greater than a strong, prayerful, knowledgable relationship with God? What example would benefit her the most: a well-rested mom who failed test after test out of her own stubborness? OR a mom who had a little less sleep but was living in the fullness of what God called her to, simply because she took time each morning to meet with God? I'm not saying that if I spend every morning with God I'll pass every test that comes my way... but I think I might pass a few more. I might not pass with flying colors, but I'd be learning something from each one.
So my hope and my prayer is that God will turn my stubborness around. Instead of sleep may I desire His presence. Instead of "me time" may I crave "Jesus time". May God make me stubborn in a good way- in a way that manifests itself in the form of diligence to meet with God and study His Word. Surely He made me with this stubborn streak for a reason... as twisted as it has become in this fallen world I know God meant if for good... so may He make it good.
One thing is for sure: when I get to heaven and become all that God created me to be in a pure and perfect way, my stubborness will lead to nothing but worship and praise for God.
Hallelujah- what hope I have in Jesus!
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James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."